Choke
"If it was him in those pictures with the monkey, he could look at them every day and think: If I could do this, I could do anything. No matter what else you came up against, if you could smile and laugh while a monkey did you with chestnuts in a dank concrete basement and somebody took pictures, well, any other situation would be a piece of cake.
Even hell.
More and more, for the stupid little kid, that was the idea...
That if enough people looked at you, you'd never need anybody's attention again.
That if someday you were caught, exposed, and revealed enough, then you'd never be able to hide again. There'd be no difference between your public and private lives.
That if you could aquire enough, accomplish enough, you'd never want to own or do another thing.
That if you eat or sleep enough, you'd never need more.
That if enough people loved you, you'd stop needing love.
That you could ever be smart enough.
That you could someday get enough sex.
These all became the little boy's new goals. The illusions he'd have for the rest of his life. These were all the promises he saw in the fat man's smile."
Lolita
"I have often noticed that we are inclined to endow our friends with the stability of type that literary characters acquire in the reader's mind. No matter how many times we reopen "King Lear", never shall we find the good king banging his tankard in high revelry, all woes forgotten, at a jolly reunion with all three daughters and their lapdogs. Never will Emma rally, revived by the sympathetic salts in Flaubert's father's timely tear. Whatever evolution this or that popular character has gone through between the book covers, his fate is fixed in our minds, and, similarly, we expect our friends to follow this or that logical and conventional pattern we have fixed for them. Thus X will never compose the immortal music that would clash with the second-rate symphonies he has accustomed us to. Y will never commit murder. Under no circumstances will Z ever betray us. We have it all arranged in our minds, and the less often we see a particular person the more satisfying it is to check how obediently he conforms to our notion of him every time we hear of him. Any deviation in the fates we have ordained would strike us as not only anomalous but unethical. We would prefer not to have known our neighbor, the retired hot-dog stand operator, if it turns out he has just produced the greatest book of poetry his age has seen."
The Perks of Being a Wallflower
"It's kind of like when you look at yourself in the mirror and you say your name. And it gets to a point where none of it seems real. Well, sometimes, I can do that, but I don't need an hour in front of a mirror. It just happens very fast, and things start to slip away. And I just open my eyes, and I see nothing. And then I start to breathe really hard trying to see something, but I can't. It doesn't happen all the time, but when it does, it scares me."
Sock
"But stalking is wonderful. All your problems go away. There's one thing on your plate. You think junkies enjoy heroin? You think being a junkie is longing for that particular pharmaceutical? Being a junkie is just a drastic, perfect way to prioritize. Before junk, you have to put this list in order: call Mom, read Nature, buy food, eat food, work out, have a talk with the boss, watch that Discover special about honey badgers that's still on your TiVo, take yourself off all Instant Messenger lists, get your oil changed, pay American Express, get some socks, call Marie, get your hair cut, buy a charger for your cell phone....And that's just the list that happens to be in your head in one ten-second period. When you're a junkie, there is one thing on your list: cop. The government helps you buy making copping hard and expensive. The mountain has to be worth climbing. There was a band called Cop Shoot Cop. Some people believed it was about violence against peace officers. No, it's a junkie's to-do list. It's easy. It's simple. White light/white heat. I'm going to nullify my life.
Focus. All junkies have focus. Stalking gives you close to the same focus, and you don't need to vomit as much. You don't have to poke holes between your toes. And the stakes are still high. With junk, if you do it wrong, you go to jail. With stalking, if you do it right, you go to jail. All you need to think about is "What is she doing right now?" That's all. And any correct answer to that question brings joy. She's sleeping. I hope she's getting her rest. She's eating. She has to keep that perfect body. She's sleeping with another guy. It'll just make her appreciate me more. She's going to the mall. Good, I need some socks. Find out who ya call. One way or another."